Bill Johnson

Agnes Sandford

http://www.cfoclassicslibrary.org/p_to_t.php

Agnes Sandford wrote a couple of books a while back. "The Healing Light" is a good book to read and costs like $6. It's short and clear, and really helps lay an easy groundwork for experimenting with healing prayer.

the audio is really old. "vintage," you could say;)

Al Durrance resources

http://www.durrance.com/FrAl/intro.html

the website is crude, but a lot of the stuff here is sound. this man has a long history of healing in various.

resource: Derek Prince on Curses

Get Fit

This was the lesson that a friend and I discussed tonight:

If you want to be physically fit, you'd be better suited to hang out with a personal trainer than those lazy friends that invite you to eat ice cream with them.

This is a metaphor for your spiritual life, of course. So which people do you surround yourself with? The ones that push you into that sometimes painful place of growth that brings you far beyond the limitations that you thought you had, or the ones that invite you into the same old, comfortable spot that atrophied your soul in the first place?

Let's go.

Why I Stopped Smoking (and how I kept from restarting)

In the year and a half since I abruptly stopped smoking, several people have asked me for advice on the issue. Even today, I received a message from a friend asking about what scriptures helped me to stop. I thought that while I was responding, I might as well make this available to everyone. These are my thoughts and convictions about smoking. I'm not trying to tell you that this is a formula and that it applies to everyone... I'll just tell you that I haven't found any reason that it isn't and that it doesn't.

Just now I looked online to see what some other people had written regarding whether or not christians should smoke. I'll be honest... that was a little frustrating. It seems like there are two camps:

-one that cites 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "... your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit..." and that you therefore cannot poison your body

-the other that says that the bible never talks about smoking specifically, which means you can do it

I'll just say real quick, the second point is bogus (and bogus is an awesome word that I forgot about). The first point, however, is legitimate, although I personally never felt much conviction on it. I know a lot of people (like me at one point) argue against the "body is a temple" thing by pointing out a lot of other harmful things that are more socially acceptable. Something like, "well, if the body is such a temple, why are you eating that Big Mac?" Justifying our own sin by pointing out the sin of another is bad practice. The fact that there are many things that are unhealthy is a poor excuse to do one more unhealthy thing. If anything, it's an even stronger reason why NOT to. Enough about that though, let's get on with the good stuff.

I smoked a pack a day for more than 7 years. First of all, that's around $8,000.00 for cigarettes, which is incredible to me, but sort of pointless for what I'm going to say. About 2 years ago I began to seek God in a new way. Without giving my whole testimony here, let's just say that the more I began to walk toward God, the more I found God, and the more I fell in love with God. For a while I had some slight convictions about smoking, although they mostly felt related to other people's perceptions of me. Eventually, as I read the bible more, I had this moment of clarity where I realized that, regardless of health, public opinion, whatever... if God asks me to not smoke, and I respond by continuing to smoke, I have just declared that my cigarette smoking is more important to me than God. My addiction, my physical, chemical, mental dependence had been getting in the way of me worshiping the one true God. So if you're looking for a specific verse that helped me to quit, it would have to be Exodus 20:3 "You shall have no other gods before me." That verse pretty much sums up the initial 'spring cleaning' that went on in my life as I began my walk toward God. I wanted to know God more and more, and quickly started to realize that that wasn't happening because He was one of many to me. I was devoting so much of myself to so many little gods that I rarely paid attention to the one big God.

I hope this helps some. When I stopped smoking, the chemical withdrawals were difficult and I became depressed for several weeks. This was curbed by exercise. I found that my mind kept wanting to believe that after I "finished quitting" I would be able to restart again. If you've ever tried to quit before, you probably know what I mean. The thing that changed this thinking for me and absolutely closed the door on it was a picture in my head of Jesus. A realization that this was not for me, but for my Lord. I remembered what I was doing, where I was going, what my goal was. My goal was God himself, at any cost, by any road. There's no sentence that I can give you that will make quitting easier. Maybe some laser treatment or hypnosis or something, who knows. Rather than take the difficulty away though, I can assure you of the one who will be with you all through the difficulty, and I can assure you of the new understanding of strength that comes out on the other side.

also, if you never quit smoking, never stop doing whatever it is you're struggling with, God loves you the same.

locked on target

Right now I'm sitting on the balcony of our 7th story apartment. It's 9:31 in the morning. I came out here a little while ago to read the Good Book, pray, and start out my day focusing my eyes on the Lord. After a certain point, I thought I'd mix things up. So, I grabbed this computer and pulled up a little podcast from a church I used to attend ("used to" because of distance, not difference). As I was nearing the end of this message, I began to feel the presence of a sound... some might call it a beat. I figured it was a car downstairs and that it would soon leave. I sort of paused everything but my mind.

***Let me add here a simple fact that most can attest to: during movies and messages, I am very easily distracted by foreign sounds or movements.***

So, when I realized that the sound persisted, I looked downstairs. Suddenly I realized that it was music coming from what used to be the Black Box. I guess they had some 9AM dj there mixing for a bunch of early birds.

This whole thing really wasn't a bad experience, but it got my attention long enough to see an illustration:

When you're way up high, focused on worshiping the Lord, the devil may not be close enough to grab your ankle and pull you off that balcony, but he certainly knows how well sound travels, and if he can just spark your interest enough to look down for a minute, he'll do it.

It only takes one moment and one inch for a train to be off the tracks. Stay focused. Stay awake. Keep your eyes on the One you're looking to. Keep your ears tuned to His words.

smile emoticon:)

this is your last chance, Tigerlilly!

Yesterday I had two questions jump into my head that both seemed fairly similar.

1) If I found out that Jesus would return tomorrow, how would I live today?

2) If I found out that I would die tomorrow, how would I live today?

The interesting thing here is that my natural responses to these almost identical questions are complete opposites from one another.

My response to question one is that I would certainly drop all of the "priorities" that I once had, no longer worrying about food, money, bills, or social standing, and run outside, trying with every last breath to prepare the people that I love so that they might know Jesus.

My response to question two is that I would probably view the day as my day, and spend it trying to experience all of the things that I enjoy, seeing only the people that I enjoy seeing.

To break these answers down into their roughest state, we'll call answer 1) selfless and answer 2) selfish.

I think that the differing responses come from the differing perspectives from which I view each question. For the first, I approach it with my eyes looking ahead to God. With the second, my eyes are turned inside toward myself. Even writing that, the second seems harsh and extreme, but as I look at the results of that, I'm forced to recognize something equally harsh. The life lived out by the inward gaze is the life that I actually live. In fact, the life lived out by fixing one's eyes on God seems foreign and unrealistic in the world we exist in.

However, it only takes one glance at the bible to realize that this foreign, unrealistic way was the way displayed by the disciples in the new testament.

Alright, that's my thought for the morning. I'm not going to proof read it or even finish it. Just think it over and finish it for me.

The Rich Man

Tonight I heard somebody talking about a mission trip to a third world country. She made an observation that I have heard many times. Something along the lines of, 'these people had so little, but their hearts were so good and kind.' I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It really seems to reflect, once again, the comment that Jesus made about the rich man (mark10:23).

It's funny, when this recession hit, I heard several preachers pointing out that you, me, and everyone we know, regardless of how poor we might be, are some of the wealthiest people in the world as far as money and resources go. Even with that knowledge though, there's this strange disconnect that happens when we go on to read that verse. It seems for most of us, regardless of how wealthy we are, we read that story and relate it to some guy we saw driving a Bentley down Park Avenue. We think, 'man, rich guys have a hard time letting go of things... but that's him, not me.'

I'm not condemning wealth. What I am saying is that perhaps a lot of this stuff in our lives does more to distract us from God than it does to enhance our lives. The reason for this is probably because our unconscious self centeredness brings us to use these things to do just that... enhance OUR lives. In reality, I think we would be better served (and better to serve) if we used these things to enhance the lives of others. Maybe many of these things that we acquire and then proclaim, "God has blessed me with (blank)" are really just tools for us to bless others.

I think I'm getting that realization that my life resembles a house. Within that house is a wall filled with golden trophies given to me by God. Only now I'm starting to think that maybe what I thought were trophies are really serving cups. Maybe I could be using them to give water to all those thirsty people that I've never invited into my house. I bet I could even go out to them.

you're WELCOME..... jerk

Today, just before I walked into the Mystic Mart gas station, I noticed that a man was about to walk out. Rather than opening the door and scuttling on in, I decided to open the door and hold it open for the man. Upon exiting, the man avoided eye contact and kept his mouth shut. I looked at his eyes, extending his chance to acknowledge me. Nothin. So, whatever... I just walked inside, paid for gas, and walked back out. Then I saw him sitting in his car. I looked at him again and began to think, 'you jerk... you selfish...'

Suddenly I stopped. What was I doing? Why was I mad at that guy? I didn't hold the door open so that I would be praised or thanked or kissed on the cheek... I held it open to help him out. To make his day the slightest bit easier.

This story may be about holding the door at a gas station, but it certainly translates to many situations throughout our day. What are your motives in helping/serving/giving? Don't fool yourself into thinking that the "thank you" is the most important part.

Step one: Walk

Some of you know that I've been wrestling with something over the last week or so. It's something that I don't know if I've ever seen anyone do. It's something Jesus said.

"Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it."

(luke 12:33)

I've had a few conversations with some friends about this. A general initial response is, 'well, if we give up everything for the poor, then real quickly we'll be poor and will have no way to help others.' The only problem with this is that many of the versus before this one seem to be preparing us in advance so that we won't try to make that defense.

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing."

After reading this, I asked myself, if I trust God, then why do I feel like I can't do this? I don't really own a lot of things, and I could easily continue to go to work even after selling everything, so it seems like it should be easier for me to do this than many other people. So why is it so hard? Is it because I don't trust? I don't think so. I don't think I could easily get myself to go bungie jumping, but it isn't because I think that the line would snap and I'd get hurt. More than that, I'm even confident that it would be an incredible experience that I would remember for years to come. The thing that makes bungie jumping easier is that all it takes is for you to have one split second of courage for you to jump off. After that you're already in it. If you suddenly become too fearful... well, it doesn't matter... because you're in the air.

But this leap of faith that is my potential life, doesn't seem to happen in an instant. It takes commitment and devotion. When God told Noah to build an ark, Noah didn't just say, "ok... whew! THAT was quite the leap of faith!" No, it was a long, ongoing LIFE lived devoted to God through living by faith.

I would like to know other people's thoughts and feelings about this.

sell: (pōleō) sell or barter

give: (didōmi) to give something to someone

a) of one's own accord to give one something, to his advantage

1) to bestow a gift

b) to grant, give to one asking, let have

c) to supply, furnish, necessary things

d) to give over, deliver

1) to reach out, extend, present

2) of a writing

3) to give over to one's care, intrust, commit

a) something to be administered

b) to give or commit to some one something to be religiously observed

e) to give what is due or obligatory, to pay: wages or reward

f) to furnish, endue

Sometimes you have a period of time, a block, a season, a whatever you want to call it, where you quickly notice a common topic that keeps popping up. Lately, for me, this topic has been suffering. I've been experiencing it in a sort of cycle that goes something like this: I feel fine, I learn about suffering, I suffer, I feel fine, I learn more, I suffer more, I get back on top of it, etc. Certainly this sounds like an undesirable process, and I'll be the first to tell you that when I'm in the middle of it, I do not desire it... but there's something more to it than pointless pain. Something so much more.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

What does it mean to take up your cross? Not too long ago, I heard some man preaching about becoming a 'manly man' and how when Jesus said to take up your cross, he was saying that you should fight. . . . . . . and at this point I would like to disagree with that notion completely.

Jesus was (is) so intense. He calls people to a deep level of commitment that is far beyond what most of us will take up.

I will explain what this verse means to me by telling you what I want for my life:

I want to seek God himself at any cost, by any road. I want to be so committed to God's will that I am eager and willing to destroy any chance of acquiring my own worldly desires. I want to be not only accepting of pain that is inflicted on me, but be able to be joyful about it just knowing that God can use it for something incredible. I want to be willing to give up, sacrifice, and deny all of the things that I designed for my life in order to follow Christ.

I know that a lot of people probably get knots in their stomach reading things like that and think that it

is out of line with what God wants for a person's life. But one simply has to open the bible to read countless

examples to the contrary. I think that, with the help of the enemy, man has devoted so much time to making

life easy that he has made life virtually impossible. We've been directed to avoid or ignore pain to the extent

that we never learn to reap its benefits. The truth of the matter is that pain and sacrifice churn up the rich soil

within us and allow us to experience such greater fruits than ever before. You can live the shallow life that

produces grass, or the deep, rich life that produces full trees of fruit.

Freedom to Fall

This morning I was thinking about a question that has slightly confused me this past week. Are we free or aren't we?

Reading that, you probably thought one of two things: "Yes" or "yes, BUT." So what's the deal? To me, things get a little confusing in the letters. Half the time it seems to speak more poorly of discipline than it does of sin. But the part that really confused me was regardless of what I read or when I read it, I still have a spiritual discernment that let's me know that some things are undesirable. This is getting confusing... so I'll just cut to the revelation that I had this morning.

Our freedom from the law (even if we don't want to call it that) does not free us from the consequences that the law was created to protect us from.

I know, I know, that doesn't seem new... but it was new for me. I thought of it in terms of heroine.

Imagine that heroine was legalized today. Suddenly we couldn't get in trouble with the law for using it. However, our lives would be significantly harmed if we did use it. We would probably become useless to serve in the community, and might instead become a burden or die.

and that's the note I will end on. Toodles:)

Follow the Leader

On and off for the last year (perhaps longer) I've been a person very easily frustrated by other people's foolishness. I've often witnessed people making bad decisions, or living carelessly, and either said something that had no effect or just bottled up my frustration. Even if the original motives for these things started well, they almost always dragged me into a place where I was acting like as much (or more) of a fool as the other people had been.

But recently something changed. I was reading the Word (the bible) when I came across one of those kinds of verses that I normally liked... one that essentially reaffirmed my desire to correct others. However, this time when I read, I noticed this little bit at the end... it said to lead by example. In that moment I took special care in considering that method. In a heartbeat I had to reexamine where my life was. Was I leading by example or was I only leading by words?

(Answer: mostly words)

Today I thought of it like this:

it's the difference between somebody trying to explain to you all of the reasons that you should play soccer and you seeing a World Cup player who has mastered his game. (if you don't like soccer, replace this example)

Surely in your life you have seen somebody do something with such amazing skill that you just thought, 'man, that looks awesome... I want to do that.' And that, I think, is how I am supposed to live. So if I want to lead others to doing well, I myself must live as well as I can.

Life in a Cave

This afternoon, while driving to class, I made the mood based decision to turn off my ipod and turn on the radio. This isn't exactly a rare thing for me, but I might say that it is somewhat rare to do it upon being driven by some inner feeling. I moved in and out of a couple of different stations, then made my way to Magic 107.7. This is preset #5 in my car. Magic, in case you didn't know, is one of my favorite windows-up radio stations due to its vast quantities of songs that I greatly enjoy but am simultaneously ashamed of, and also because it is the local carrier of the John Tesh radio show. This is actually what stopped me on that station today. John Tesh (former Entertainment Tonight host turned jazz pianist) and his comforting, trustworthy voice. However, on this day I tuned in just as he was ending his sentence and beginning to play a song.

Do you ever start to hear a song that you have long disliked, but for some reason let it play? That's not what I did today. That's what I did a year ago. That GooGoo Dolls song from that Nicholas Cage movie. I never even saw that movie! Why would I stop to listen to that song? But I did. I did, and the words meant something to me. I'll venture to say that whatever those words meant to me then were not what they meant to me today.

A year ago this song almost certainly spoke of a longing for a love that was close yet far... a desire to be known. A desire to be loved, wanted... needed.

But today...

Today this same song, with all of it's touching, personal relevance, only illustrated my personal struggle against those things. Mind you, I'm certainly not against love in any way. My struggle is not against good. My struggle is against the worship of false gods... namely, myself.

During my quiet time this morning (which is probably the most beneficial thing that I know of that a person could do in their life) I read a page from "My Utmost For His Highest." On this particular day the book was talking about the idea of doing things for the "glory of God" but really for the glory of self. The author proposed the idea that jumping up and down shouting, "LOOK AT GOD! LOOK AT GOD" might really be a heart saying, "look at me! look at me." Furthermore, the book said that the ideal would be something more like a quiet humbleness. Here's an excerpt:

(We want people to say) "What a wonderful man of prayer he is!" or, "What a great woman of devotion she is!" If you are properly devoted to the Lord Jesus, you have reached the lofty height where no one would ever notice you personally. All that is noticed is the power of God coming through you all the time.

Upon reading that this morning, I slowly began my trek back from shrine where I worship myself, and into the temple of the Lord. Beautifully, my heart longs for God. That is something that I feel so grateful for. So with that in my heart, I heard the song in a slightly different way today. I heard it as me, in my deepest struggles, turning from my deepest foolishness. I heard it as me walking away from everything I want... everything that kills me... and, with the sorrow of a foolish child, walking toward the wonderful God that loves me.

I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Order Up

Matthew 22³⁷Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

In that perfect order it flows. Focus solely on loving God in every way. Through this you will truly become capable of love. Through this you will be able to love your neighbor. 

God is most important above all else. 

Above everything else.

This is what happened...

I cut myself

but I did not bleed

I am only flesh

I am only lust

I am only rage

and hate

and sex

and murder

but it's all sealed inside

frozen in the thickness of flesh

I've been reading the book of James for the last couple of days. As I've reread it, I've realized the extreme importance of keeping God in mind while reading the bible. Keeping God's character in mind. As God certainly cares as much for our hearts as He does our actions, so too should we consider and be aware of God's heart as much as His actions. Not uniquely one or the other (as most of us are inclined to do in order to suit our own comforts) but united, reflecting one another and giving new depth and unseen meaning to the other.

"...Jesus said, "The kingdom of God does not come with observation . . . . For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you" ( Luke 17:20-21  ). It is a hidden, obscure thing. An active Christian worker too often lives to be seen by others, while it is the innermost, personal area that reveals the power of a person’s life."

A Thought. A Prayer.

from journal entry: 9-21-2009

You must get to where you hate your struggles and truly view them as an enemy to your One Love (instead of viewing them as a hurdle to get over for the moment or something you desire but can't have).

Love the Lord so much that you desire to love Him more... and anything that gets in the way of that is to be conquered.

prayer:

"Father, give me spiritual discernment to see beyond what is taught to me, and what I already wish to believe. Allow me to see truth and light even when it counters these things. Make death nonexistent and hate be crushed under my foot."